Leah Stirewalt

Out of Deep Waters

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What I Remember Most About the 2016 Election (and it’s Not What You Might Think)

November 3, 2020 by Leah Stirewalt 2 Comments

It was Election Day 2016 and also the fourth night in our new home in the new town to which we had just moved. As usual, my husband and I got the kids to bed and settled in to watch some TV together. Based on the events of the day, the programming was all but decided for us, but we were excited to watch all the election news unfold. We felt we knew how it would all end up, but our sense of deep patriotism for our beloved country allowed us to watch it all unfold regardless of what the polls were already indicating.

As the night drew on, we moved from the living room to the bedroom to continue watching the coverage there. Joel ended up falling asleep, but I was still glued on the news. Eventually, my body must have caved to exhaustion as well, because the next thing I remember was waking up to see it was around 2:30 am, and the results I had been expecting had completely changed! What in the world? Donald Trump actually WON the election? Very few people on either side of the political fence anticipated that announcement. I immediately woke Joel up and said, “You’ve got to see this!”

For the next hour or so, we laid there together watching the continuing coverage unfold with the news that shocked even us. Eventually, I remember saying, “Alrighty then. Well, there you have it. Let’s go back to sleep.” And…sleep we did!

While the unprecedented political memories from that day certainly stand out, what I remember most is this…laying in bed with my husband in this home. I know that sounds strange, but allow me to elaborate. What I obviously didn’t know then was that our days together were soon coming to an end. In just a short 3 1/2 months, my husband would be in Heaven. I would be widowed for the second time, and I would begin solo parenting our four young adopted children. Even though we had 3 1/2 more months together, the night of the Election in 2016 was the only night I remember sleeping in the bed with my husband.

After having gone through losing a spouse twice, I’ve learned the body has a way of buffering our shock and deep pain by covering up memories. It’s true! I have many precious memories of my years with Joel, but I have very few from our last few months together. Election night 2016 is one of them, Christmas that same year is another, and our big snow in January 2017 was another one. That’s really about it until Joel entered the hospital a few days before his death in February 2017.

I’ve often wondered why my memories are so few during our last months together. Perhaps it was because it was a very stressful time in our lives with having just moved and everything associated with that. Perhaps it was because we were in throes of getting our adopted children established with medical and therapy providers in our new town while still trying to keep up with some necessary visits in our previous town. Perhaps it was the rush of the holidays and several January birthdays soon to follow. I honestly don’t know, but what I do know is this…

I’ll never forget Election Day 2016, because it was the last time I actually remember sleeping with my husband (even though we did so every night that followed until his hospitalization). Tonight, I’ll do the same thing I did four years ago. I’ll get the kids to bed, and I’ll hunker down to watch the election coverage on TV. I’ll eventually probably move to the bedroom to finish watching there until I fall asleep, but this time I’ll be watching without my husband beside me. This time, I won’t have him to wake up in the middle of the night with any updates. This time…

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Have you heard the crickets chirping?

August 25, 2020 by Leah Stirewalt Leave a Comment

Crickets… Yes, I admit I kind of left the blog in a virtual cricket chirping world. The last time I checked in with this little oasis, it was February. The third anniversary of Joel’s Homegoing, and a month before all chaos broke loose in the world with the “C-virus”. Shhhh… I’m afraid to say it out loud for fear of giving it even more power.

Aug25: Out of Deep Waters

OK…in all seriousness. Life looks drastically different than it did 6 months ago. For me, six months ago represented a new normal. It was the beginning of my 4th year of being widowed (for the second time). My four youngest kiddos were in the third quarter of their school year, and life was pretty crazy…but normal, as we knew it. But then…

Covid-19 arrived on the scene, and everything that once seemed “normal” went out the window. Thankfully, I’m always toilet paper loaded with my crew, so I didn’t contribute to that crisis. And…I’m doubly thankful we had a freezer full of meat (even if it was mostly sausage and fish donated to us), because I knew we wouldn’t starve. But, what I didn’t anticipate was being “on duty” as mom 24/7 with my four adopted kiddos (all with various levels of special needs).

We’re together a lot y’all, but I didn’t realize how much I valued their time at school. As a self-employed freelancer, I work from home normally (not just during a pandemic). When my children arrived on the scene and needed to do virtual school, I found my work started taking place in the middle of the night. Not healthy for me, but I had no choice. As a result, we’ve all been surviving the last 6 months, but I wouldn’t say we’ve been thriving. Normally, I would have been better prepared for summer (with various camp activities, etc.), however stupid Covid-19 messed that up too.

And…so, here I am…on what would have been my 8th wedding anniversary with Joel. I honestly haven’t even had time to dwell on that or process it, but when August 25 rolled around, I knew what that meant. I have such precious memories of that day in 2012.

Aug25: Out of Deep Waters 2

I also laugh when I think we deliberately flew into a hurricane/tropical storm in Miami for our cruise-based honeymoon and got stranded for 3 days. Those few days were rough, but I’d give anything to have them back now. In all honesty, I could basically say that about most days prior to March 2020.

Existing during this pandemic season and realizing life will probably never look as it did before has taught me several things:

  • Be thankful for what you have, as it could be stripped away at any moment.
  • Life could always be worse than it is right now.
  • Take nothing for granted, especially time.
  • This world is not my home.
  • I’m thankful to have the opportunity to spend eternity in Heaven.
  • Crisis will not test your faith, but it will expose it.

Oh…that last one has left me scratching my head a bit. As a matter of fact, I didn’t come up with that one; I heard it spoken by someone on the radio a couple weeks ago (or something to that effect), and it has really done a number on me.

As I think about all the various crises I’ve experienced in my lifetime, I have to also wonder what exactly was exposed about my faith during all the difficult times? Did I crawl up into Jesus’ lap and let Him guide me and carry me when I didn’t have the strength to it myself? Quite often. Did I bury myself into the truths of His Word rather than the lies the world speaks? I’d like to think I did more often than not. Or, did I take matters into my own hands and try to be my own doctor/fixer/helper? Sadly, I did that too during some seasons. But, I always come back to the same conclusion. My life is always better with Jesus.

Even the worst days of my life are better with Jesus. I can’t handle crisis in a healthy way on my own – I’m always stronger with Jesus. He leads me to make better decisions – always! Others may bail from my life, but He never does. Now, sometimes I neglect Him, but He never neglects me. But, He doesn’t force my hand in anything either. That’s one thing I love about my God. He wants us to love Him, but He doesn’t force us to (even though He has the full power to do so). That’s love friends!

So, on this, my 8th wedding anniversary with Joel, or what would have been my 8th…I celebrate the fact He’s waiting to be reunited with all of his loved ones in Heaven. As much as I want him back, I’d never wish him to leave that glorious place to spend even one more second on this pitiful earth. I celebrate the time we had together, albeit short. And, I continue preparing my heart and the hearts of my children to long even more than we already do for our eternal Home! Thank you Abba for that precious gift!

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Meet Leah

Leah StirewaltI became "twice widowed" when my beloved prince, Joel, went to his Heavenly home after a brief and sudden illness on February 12, 2017. I’m in a place of shock and devastation, but I intend to use this format to journal my second widow journey, much like I did my first. It’s my open journal, my electronic oasis, and it’s often the place I find true healing as I allow myself to “come clean” with my feelings. Read More...

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  • What I Remember Most About the 2016 Election (and it’s Not What You Might Think)
  • Have you heard the crickets chirping?
  • One Week Left to Live

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