Howdy strangers! Well…you’ve not been the stranger around here. I have to claim that title unfortunately. Never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate a blog hiatus of this timespan. In short, I’ve been in a bit of a funk. Not a great one, at that. And yet…a NEW season is here (more on that in a minute), and with it comes a new site design as well. I hope you like it! I’m still a bit giddy over the new look, if I do say so myself.
Back to that funky season comment…
It’s been hard y’all. Oh. So. Hard. I’ve been tired, anxious, depressed, angry (at times), worn-to-the-bone thin, and a host of other adjectives I’d just prefer to leave unmentioned. My widow journey, this go-around, has been drastically different than my first adventure down Grief Road. Now, don’t get me wrong, there have been many beautiful moments in this nearly 24-month navigation, but unfortunately the ugly has outweighed the beautiful (or so it has often felt). I’ve had so much healing to do and have gone about it all wrong this time.
While there’s no right way to “do grief”, I know from my first-hand experience, there are better ways to walk this journey, and I’ve honestly struggled to get there. I could write a post every single day for the rest of this year and probably not tackle all the hiccups, mess ups, and hang ups I’ve encountered over the last two years. Even so, I plan to share some of this crazy journey, as God allows. I’ve been longing to write again for so long. Truly, I have. But, God hasn’t let me.
For reasons only completely known to Him, I’ve had to walk this hard journey (albeit differently this time) in this way for a greater purpose beyond what even I can see right now. He continues to teach me, to pick me up when I fall (and, I’ve had many scraped knees lately), to cover me with endless patience, and to love me at my most unlovable times. I keep telling Him I’m not worth all this trouble He seemingly goes to in order to keep me under the shadow of His wings, but He keeps whispering, or rather shouting at times…Oh, but you are, my daughter!
As He keeps reminding me of the promises I already know and have allowed to sink into a deep abyss within me, the muck and mire attached to me continues to fall off. In short, I’m coming out of the funk. Not that I’ve already arrived. Not even close. In truth, I won’t truly “have arrived” until I’m finally Home on that glorious future day, but I know His plans and purposes for me on this earth have not changed. And so, with that…
I’m writing here again. How often? I don’t know yet. I’ve learned not to make promises to myself I’ll fail to keep, only adding to the angst. This I do know…I have a lot welled up in my heart that needs to come out, and He’s opened the door for me to start doing so again in this little oasis. If you’ve found yourself in a desert season recently, I encourage you to come join me as I continue to seek refreshment in this new season, with Abba quenching the thirst of my soul.