Leah Stirewalt

Out of Deep Waters

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This is not how it was supposed to be!!!

August 24, 2017 by Leah Stirewalt 2 Comments

Happy Anniversary in Heaven!

I’ve been a bit silent on here lately. Other than beginning my new class schedule (which is a bit rigorous), I have no really good reason. I’ve just been in a funk. Mainly because…I know it’s coming. Another monumental FIRST! Friday (tomorrow) would have been our fifth wedding anniversary. I knew it was coming, but the knowledge of it collided with me head-on today.

THIS IS NOT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!!!! THIS IS JUST NOT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!

I’m simply struggling with words today. I don’t want tomorrow to come. I just want to skip right over it. And yet…I still plan to “visit” him at the cemetery and probably shed a bucketful of tears while there.

If I can be perfectly transparent (what’s stopping me now, right?)…I feel short-changed. I know I am blessed to have been loved as deeply as Joel loved me. I know some men and women never have that opportunity even once in a lifetime, so I should be thankful that I had that opportunity in my marriage to Joel and in my marriage to Chris. In both scenarios, however, I feel I’ve been so rigidly short-changed.

I just keep saying THIS IS NOT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!! I ache for you Joel. I miss you terribly. I can’t believe we’re not celebrating this day together like we planned. As you walk with Jesus today, please ask Him to be ever near (not that He needs that reminder). It just makes me feel good knowing that you’re walking with Our Savior on a daily basis. Oh how I long for that day! It’s coming soon…I know!

“God I give You all I can today
These scattered ashes that I hid away
I lay them all at Your feet
From the corners of my deepest shame
The empty places where I’ve worn Your name
Show me the love I say I believe
Oh Help me to lay it down
Oh Lord I lay it down”
~Lauren Daigle (from Once and for All)

#HeIsStillGood

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This man…

August 25, 2014 by Leah Stirewalt 2 Comments

IMG_0260This man offered his listening ear to me as a widow before asking me for a first date.

This man offered me his heart before offering me a diamond.

This man accepted me for who I was, not for a skinnier version of me that I desired to be.

This man calls me princess and makes me feel like royalty.

This man works so hard for our family, and I respect him so much for that.

This man loves Jesus and isn’t afraid to share his faith.

This man adores his children and has a passion for children without a mommy or a daddy.

This man isn’t afraid to cry, and I love his sensitivity.

This man is my husband, and I am so thankful to be celebrating two wonderful years of marriage with him!

Happy 2nd Anniversary Sweetheart! I love you!

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Meet Leah

Leah StirewaltI became "twice widowed" when my beloved prince, Joel, went to his Heavenly home after a brief and sudden illness on February 12, 2017. I’m in a place of shock and devastation, but I intend to use this format to journal my second widow journey, much like I did my first. It’s my open journal, my electronic oasis, and it’s often the place I find true healing as I allow myself to “come clean” with my feelings. Read More...

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