Leah Stirewalt

Out of Deep Waters

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What I Remember Most About the 2016 Election (and it’s Not What You Might Think)

November 3, 2020 by Leah Stirewalt Leave a Comment

It was Election Day 2016 and also the fourth night in our new home in the new town to which we had just moved. As usual, my husband and I got the kids to bed and settled in to watch some TV together. Based on the events of the day, the programming was all but decided for us, but we were excited to watch all the election news unfold. We felt we knew how it would all end up, but our sense of deep patriotism for our beloved country allowed us to watch it all unfold regardless of what the polls were already indicating.

As the night drew on, we moved from the living room to the bedroom to continue watching the coverage there. Joel ended up falling asleep, but I was still glued on the news. Eventually, my body must have caved to exhaustion as well, because the next thing I remember was waking up to see it was around 2:30 am, and the results I had been expecting had completely changed! What in the world? Donald Trump actually WON the election? Very few people on either side of the political fence anticipated that announcement. I immediately woke Joel up and said, “You’ve got to see this!”

For the next hour or so, we laid there together watching the continuing coverage unfold with the news that shocked even us. Eventually, I remember saying, “Alrighty then. Well, there you have it. Let’s go back to sleep.” And…sleep we did!

While the unprecedented political memories from that day certainly stand out, what I remember most is this…laying in bed with my husband in this home. I know that sounds strange, but allow me to elaborate. What I obviously didn’t know then was that our days together were soon coming to an end. In just a short 3 1/2 months, my husband would be in Heaven. I would be widowed for the second time, and I would begin solo parenting our four young adopted children. Even though we had 3 1/2 more months together, the night of the Election in 2016 was the only night I remember sleeping in the bed with my husband.

After having gone through losing a spouse twice, I’ve learned the body has a way of buffering our shock and deep pain by covering up memories. It’s true! I have many precious memories of my years with Joel, but I have very few from our last few months together. Election night 2016 is one of them, Christmas that same year is another, and our big snow in January 2017 was another one. That’s really about it until Joel entered the hospital a few days before his death in February 2017.

I’ve often wondered why my memories are so few during our last months together. Perhaps it was because it was a very stressful time in our lives with having just moved and everything associated with that. Perhaps it was because we were in throes of getting our adopted children established with medical and therapy providers in our new town while still trying to keep up with some necessary visits in our previous town. Perhaps it was the rush of the holidays and several January birthdays soon to follow. I honestly don’t know, but what I do know is this…

I’ll never forget Election Day 2016, because it was the last time I actually remember sleeping with my husband (even though we did so every night that followed until his hospitalization). Tonight, I’ll do the same thing I did four years ago. I’ll get the kids to bed, and I’ll hunker down to watch the election coverage on TV. I’ll eventually probably move to the bedroom to finish watching there until I fall asleep, but this time I’ll be watching without my husband beside me. This time, I won’t have him to wake up in the middle of the night with any updates. This time…

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Alone in Bed…Again

December 2, 2019 by Leah Stirewalt Leave a Comment

The very first night following Joel’s death, Austyn (my now 5-year-old) climbed into bed with me, because he was scared to sleep alone. I was more than happy to have him there, as it brought me as much comfort to have him close, as it did for him to have mama nearby.

All of my children grieved the death of their daddy, but Austyn’s hurt was of a deeper quality. He was only nine days away from his third birthday when Joel moved to Heaven. He couldn’t begin to understand the empty feeling that filled his heart, but he knew every evening when he climbed into my bed that everything would be okay. Mama was there. Mama was close.

Now, I have to be honest. While having this little guy in my bed each evening was emotionally comforting to us both, it was anything but that physically speaking. Austyn is a wiggle worm…rolls around all over the bed…throws arms and legs on me in the middle of the night. Needless to say, if you want a solid night of sleep, don’t share a bed with my son. Even so, I assumed he might sleep with me, at most, for a few weeks…until the initial shock of daddy’s death subsided…then, he would return to his bed. Oh was I wrong…

Over two years later…Austyn was still there. I never pushed him out, because I knew he wouldn’t sleep with me forever. Certainly, he wouldn’t still crawl into bed with his mommy as a teenager?! Whenever I was out of town, he would typically sleep with the babysitter or in his brother’s room. He still would not sleep alone. Regardless, I knew when he was ready, he would move back upstairs to his own bed. And he did (almost) just that!

If you read my last post (click here if not), you know I experienced a period of time following Joel’s death I have dubbed “The Pause”. As only God would orchestrate, almost to the day I was set free from that difficult time in my life, Austyn announced he was going to sleep in the other twin bed in Josiah’s room (his 11-year-old brother) and be a “big boy”. I assumed he would still show up in my bed in the middle of the night, as we had tried this before, but he didn’t! And, to this day…he hasn’t returned to sleeping with mama…at all.

Alone in bed

I honestly believe there was no coincidence in the timing of the end of “the pause” and Austyn moving out of my bed. God has been teaching me so much and showing Himself to me in such tangible ways recently.

Prior to the end of “The Pause”, a group of elders came out to my home and did a “spiritual cleansing” room-by-room. If this is something you’re not familiar with, it involves going throughout the house and anointing each door frame with oil and praying over each space. They closed out the time of cleansing by also praying over each of my children and me and anointing us with oil as well. Before they left, they also walked the perimeter of the property and prayed over the external boundaries of our home. It was a beautiful, quiet, peaceful evening, and I truly felt such a calm after they left. A few weeks later, I personally felt the need to cleanse a portion of our home again. The reasons for this do not matter at this point, but the effect of the cleansing was enormous!

Within days of that renewed cleansing…peace returned to my home again. Some very specific struggles I endured with a couple of my children completely halted, I experienced complete deliverance from “The Pause”, and Austyn made his departure from my bed!

I am convinced “The Pause” was a season of intense spiritual warfare, like none (perhaps) I’ve ever experienced before. Friends…the Word of God teaches us “…our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Eph. 6:12, NIV) This type of battle is real. However, knowing it and physically experiencing it are two entirely different things. In all transparency, I wasn’t prepared for the battle. I hadn’t effectively donned the armor I had available to me (see Eph. 6:13-17). I allowed myself to simply “escape” the pain life had most recently presented me. Rather than facing it…rather than truly grieving like I did so well during my first widow journey, I ran into a deep abyss I created for myself. The effects of “The Pause” have been staggering in my life, but I am not without hope!

While I can truly pinpoint a specific time God delivered me from this bondage, the results of the deliverance are continuing to be realized each day, as I intentionally live out my days with Christ in first place. Have my circumstances changed? Hardly! In some areas, things have gotten worse, but my perspective has shifted, and I know I’m not in this battle alone. I never have been. I just lost sight of the power I had at my disposal all along.

As I continue walking in victory, I have seen God move in my family as well. Austyn choosing to sleep upstairs again is just one of those victories. And…that is only just the beginning! The shroud has been removed! I feel like I’m truly alive again. My time on this earth is just a short “blip” in all of eternity, and I do not intend to allow the enemy to steal anymore of it from me!

 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

John 8:36, NIV

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Meet Leah

Leah StirewaltI became "twice widowed" when my beloved prince, Joel, went to his Heavenly home after a brief and sudden illness on February 12, 2017. I’m in a place of shock and devastation, but I intend to use this format to journal my second widow journey, much like I did my first. It’s my open journal, my electronic oasis, and it’s often the place I find true healing as I allow myself to “come clean” with my feelings. Read More...

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  • What I Remember Most About the 2016 Election (and it’s Not What You Might Think)
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